you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
