I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
