You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
