I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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