pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
