he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
