I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
