Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
