he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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