shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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