Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
