Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
