I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
