Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

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(916): View more from California

It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

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(207): View more from Maine

Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.

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(916): View more from California

I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.

(1-916): View more from California

Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.

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(574): View more from Indiana

i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville

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(650): View more from California

I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"

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(586): View more from Michigan

Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?

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(757): View more from Virginia

I have peed in a lot of sinks

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