i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
