So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize