Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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