her vagine was all disorganized.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
