the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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