Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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