ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
vagina is talking i cant
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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