I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
