Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Send help, water and tortillas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
