Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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