does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
