You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
