I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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