between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
