Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
