What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
