My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
