Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
