We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
