I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
