We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
