the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
