I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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