I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love accidental penises.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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