I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
