So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
