Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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