3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
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