Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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