did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
