I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
