i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
