It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm passing your future prison.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
