just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
