real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so explain again why im purple
no
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
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we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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