i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
