I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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