it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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