i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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