moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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