I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
