Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
