It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
