I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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