I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
