How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
