My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
