I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
