Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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