Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
