it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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