if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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