he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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