I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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