Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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